Thursday, December 17, 2015

White Elephant

[Aside: Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted in a few months! I usually have things I am interested in writing about, but then life happens and I forget to jot down my thoughts.]

It's December, and that means most of you people have already, or are going to, participate(d) in white elephant gift exchanges. As someone who is fairly practical, I prefer to go for useful gifts, rather than gag gifts. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy injecting humor in the presents (which I do), I just prefer useful (but funny) presents rather than useless gag gifts.

The whole reason I bring up white elephant gifts is that Carlos was needing a white elephant gift for work and was asking for suggestions. Thus began my trip down memory lane to my own white elephant gift exchange days. When I was working, I thought I played a pretty good white-elephant-gift game:

Year 1: I brought a Snuggie...along with three other people. That was the year Snuggies were all the rage as novelty gifts, and I thought I was soooo original picking it.

When the first Snuggie was opened, everyone laughed. The second snuggie brought even more laughter. The third Snuggie, everyone thought it was a prank. By the fourth Snuggie, everyone was over it. I sneakily got my own Snuggie back, which I ended up returning.

Year 2: I brought a literal white elephant gift - a white elephant tea pot. I thought it was cool and cute.

If interested, I think Cost Plus World Market sells them (I had purchased mine from Modcloth at the time).

Year 3: I bought an organizer with the word "crap" on it and toilet paper (get it???). I wrote a note saying something like "here are some things to help you with your crap." I put the items in a J. Crew box, and thought I was being cheeky when I wrote "I hope you don't mind the color Cerulean and that you're a size medium!" - because I was pretending that I had picked a clothing item, and J. Crew usually uses fancy color names...ok, it was a lot funnier in my head. Unfortunately the person who first picked out the present didn't even read my witty J. Crew joke-note or my crap note....I so badly wanted to yell, "READ THE NOTES!" Needless to say, the original present opener was not impressed. And I was not impressed with their lack of impress.

Year 4:  I put fifteen $1 bills in one of those cards where you can record a message.


The message I recorded was the chorus to Little Scrappy's "Money in the Bank" rap song, which goes:

I got money in the bank (yea)
I got money in the bank (yea)
I got money in the bank (yea)
I got money in the bank (yea)
Shawty what you drank

Unfortunately the volume is not very loud on those cards, and everyone was so loud in the conference room, I think the initial present opener didn't hear the song. At least I thought it was hilarious. 

Hopefully whoever has that card actually kept it, because that ish was NOT cheap.

Year 5: I got lazy and went the gift card route (to Target, because everyone loves Target). However, I cleverly put the gift card in an empty Macbook box (I got a spare empty box from IT), and inside I left a printed image of a Macbook top (to look like a Macbook was in there), and I wrote a note saying something like "I'm sorry I can't get you a real Macbook, so here's the next best thing!"

For Carlos' gift, I suggested that he buy a bottle of Poo Pourri spray and a pack of toilet paper. I also suggested burning a cd with euphemistic song titles (that allude to pooping), like  Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" and Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot" and Frou Frou's "Let Go."

I don't think he was too into that idea since he ended up getting a boot shaped mug ("Das Boot").